5 Tips For Not Becoming A Fat Bastard This Christmas

Whether we like it or not the festive period is being forced upon us once again.

And like every Christmas, most of us are going to be eating and drinking a whole lot more whether we plan to or not.

Although obvious health advice would be to simply not stuff your fat fucking face, this is GymTalk and we’re realistic – it’s Christmas and you’ll want to have fun.

Most years we simply say we’re doing a ‘winter bulk’, which then lasts until the following September, but not this year.

This year we’re staying lean… mostly.

So, as an addendum to our official Guide To Christmas, here are some further tips to help you relax over winterfest without turning into a fat bastard.

Tip 1: Time your booze

The thing is, alcohol is awesome and fun and often delicious, so it’s likely you’ll consume quite a bit over the festive period.

While it’s true that alcohol contains calories which in excess will make you gain weight, a lot of the time the increased fat storage isn’t to do with calories but the fact that your body is less efficient in processing food when alcohol is present.

drunk santa

It basically concentrates really hard on digesting the alcohol and the food just gets less attention and is stored as fat.

So to minimise this effect, make sure you leave the booze until after you’ve eaten.

I know it can be tempting to have a drink with dinner, but waiting for an hour or so after a big meal before you drink can make a huge difference, and will also save you from embarrassing yourself in front of great auntie Jude.

Tip 2: Do some home workouts

Usually GymTalk wouldn’t recommend home workouts.

Unlike Joe ‘The Bodycoach’ Wicks, we’re not going to bullshit you and say you can get a decent physique from 15 minute wanky-faffabout home workouts; weight training is the only way to do that.

you sit on a throne of lies gif

But Christmas is a time when you’re probably visiting the in-laws or sleeping in the spare room at your parents’ with no local gym membership.

In this case a high volume and very low rest period home workout can at least keep you in check until you get back to your regular iron mecca.

Try this simple circuit with no rest breaks in between each set, aiming for at least 10 sets of each:

  • 10 air squats
  • 10 push ups
  • 10 crunches

In total you will have done 100 of each movement as quickly as possible.

Tip 3: Drink plenty of water

This is the cheapest and easiest of all the tips to complete, yet probably one of the most important.

Most days you’ll likely be hanging harder than Santa’s wrinkly old ballbag, so it’s important to get your fluids in.

And whilst Fanta Lemon might seem like a better option, water regulates your entire body, hence why you feel like absolute shite following your Christmas eve smash-up in Playaz Club Basingstoke town centre because of severe dehydration.

when you wake up thirsty af after a long night partying

Just get a big 1.5 litre bottle of water and try to drink two of those per day plus your other fluids.

Very simple and very effective.

Tip 4: Don’t forget your whey protein

If you’ve been training hard you’ll want to make sure you don’t start getting into a catabolic state (wasting away like the pathetic loser you are) during your Toblerone binge days over Christmas.

now look at me wasted away to practically nothing gif

And the best way to do that is to make sure you’re staying anabolic (in a state of growth like a beast) by keeping your protein intake regular.

Which is where trusty whey protein comes in.

Whey is a great quality and convenient way to increase your protein intake very quickly, and in this case you can chuck back a protein shake whenever you have long periods of not eating.

You can check out some of our recommendations for whey protein here.

Tip 5: Keep omega-3s in mind

It’s likely you’ll be eating a lot of fat this Christmas, and whilst we’re never going to say fat is bad for you, you’ll likely not be getting in a huge amount of omega-3s.

Omega-3 fatty acids are responsible for a huge amount of processes in the body, including regulating the use of fat for energy.

omega-3 fish oil

Anyone who’s been on omega-3 supplements for a long period of time knows it’s far easier to keep fat off whilst on them.

So supplement with omega-3 fish oils during the festive period to make sure your body is fuelling itself properly.

Try around 3-6 grams per day.

Signing off

Hopefully those five quick and easy tips will help you avoid a dreaded beer belly for the start of the new year.

Let us know in the comments and on social media what other tips you use to keep the fat off over Christmas!